10months

In Genesis {29:21-30:24} Rachel and Leah are both wives to Jacob, however Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. When the Lord saw this He 'opened' Leah's womb, 'but Rachel was barren.' Leah went on to have six boys and one girl (30:20-21) before Rachel was 'remembered' by the Lord and had two boys.

Roughly 10months ago I hesitantly agreed with Devin, that it was time to add to our family. I never thought I would be nervous to have children. It was nerve racking that there wasn't even a month gap between our decision to have children and the positive sign with Levi, and, on the flip side, waiting four months for that same sign with Owen; in the past timing has made me nervous but not children themselves. Maybe it's just the unknown of our life, not wanting to miss a moment of Levi or Owen's fast growing lives, the emotional resentment for putting my children and myself through a traumatic experience and missing months of Owen's young life, or maybe just the increased business that comes with more children, but I find myself nervous in a way I have never been before. Thus the past ten months have been filled with torn emotions.

And then it hit me....

if I don't get pregnant soon I'll hit the 'year mark', as in 'talk to a specialist mark', AND there will be a THREE year gap between Owen and baby #3; twice what I ever wanted between any of my children.... before I started having them.

I tearfully talked things through with my Heavenly Father while waiting for Owen and that same answer has been confirmed by the story I quoted in Genesis.
I am not Rachel, but her story has confirmed to me that Heavenly Father is in control. He can, and will 'open my womb' (30:22) when it's time; He knows me better than I know myself, He knows what is ahead, He has a plan better for me than I do.

Life has not gone as smoothly as planned these past ten months. I would have thought I'd be at least a few months pregnant by now, and Devin would know which school we were headed off to come Fall, but I'm not and we don't.... but we are choosing to be optimistic (Devin does better than me most days), and enjoy the wonderful little boys we already have, and the situation we are currently blessed with.

WE ARE EXPERIENCING LIFE