I have no idea how long I sat there, deer in the head lights, before I stumbled out something I don't even remember. I was that caught off guard.
In all honesty, when we talked about another one I was concerned about 'number3'. But since being pregnant I haven't thought about it... until I was asked that question.
I feel extremely blessed for the experiences I have had in the past. I have always wanted to be a mom. I was a nanny on and off for years. Before that I babysat countless hours. In-between those, I was an aunt to multiple nieces; one in particular who cried if she wasn't asleep or eating... seriously! ask her mom. And all before I was married, and ever thought about children of my own.
Sometimes I laugh when I see new moms so nervous about every little detail; or their water breaking and not knowing it- you'll know! Yet I do look back and laugh at my new-mom-self; I was oblivious. You should have seen the nurses face when she found out I hadn't taken a single birthing class. :-)
But in some ways I see that oblivion as another blessing; but I would like to call that oblivion, faith.
It's not that I didn't know; I just figured women have been having babies from 'the beginning of time' with and without birthing classes, and my body would do what it needed. Guess what, it did.
My faith is not perfect; I have a lot of room to grow. I still worry about my decisions as a mom, and I do have a birth plan for round three {albeit in my head}, and of course I have my favorite parenting books, and know I could have done things better in the past. But when I lose faith in myself, in my abilities, and in my Heavenly Father's love for me, that is when fear takes over and I scramble, searching endlessly and I become overwhelmed.
Yes, three pairs of socks are harder to find than two. Three children are harder to chase than two. Three equals more laundry and more little ones than hands I have. Sleep deprivation will kick in. Someone will always be needing me. Don't even mention going back to diapers, nursing, and spitup. And I'm sure the list goes on and on.
I will have to compensate; get ready earlier, leave the house earlier to be on time, maybe give up on ever being on time again. I may be blindsided by three. BUT I choose to have faith, and let it come naturally. I'm pretty sure I am not going to die. I'll have to adjust; life will change. But changing with faith is a lot easier than changing with fear.
am I ready for number three? I feel I am, as long as I remember to...
GO FORWARD WITH FAITH
baby girl, you are changing our life, and we are excited for it! Here's to the last few weeks!!!
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